Ever feel like you’re so stressed out, so frazzled, so unbalanced? No matter what you do, you feel like you can’t seem to get out from behind the STRRREEEESSSS cross hairs? That’s how I’ve been feeling for the past couple of months. And let me tell you, stress is definitely the mortal enemy of chronic illness. It seems the more stress you have the more your symptoms flare up so the more stress you have… and the vicious circle continues. I have learned though, that even good things can cause physical pain for chronic illness sufferers like me.
Let me give you a small view of the stress roller coaster that I’ve been on over the past couple of months.
January – My daughter off to college, last kid out of the house – who am I? What do I do with myself? Some mental and emotional stress starting. Not really sleeping well. Fibro fog worse. Headaches more often. “Eh, Just ignore it. Ain’t nobody go time to take care of it now” that evil little voice in my subconsciousness is whispering.
February – this winter is lasting longer and is much colder than I remember and my body is loudly complaining. Mental and Emotional stress growing, because I feel trapped in this cold, damp, dark house – and still searching for my identity outside of being a mother. Physical stress is starting to grow as my body seems to be in a permanent scrunch to keep from shivering, I hate shivering… It makes me hurt worse. I know crazy logic, right – turns out the permanent scrunch makes me hurt worse as well. So what do I do to help my situation? I retreat into my scrunch. Stay on the couch. Don’t do my yoga. I eat like crap – candy, chips, and fast food as much as possible – and I decide to start working on buying a house!
So, now not only is my body screaming at me because of my chronic illness generally not liking the weather, and the “just ignore it” is still going on from January, but it’s down right furious at me because of the abuse it’s taking with the crappy food and no movement at all. I felt so much worse physically and mentally at the end of the month. My pain level for most of the month was about…. oh…. 13!! So, instead of listening to the loud alarm going off in my mind, “Stop. Take a break. Get centered again with your yoga. AND FOR PETES SAKE EAT FRIGGIN BETTER!!” , what did I do? I decided to get neck-deep into buying a house. For the first time. In my life. Ever. “Just push on. Ignore it. Just get it done.” I think this thinking and acting was what got my fibro started way back when… it’s a theory anyway.
March – Mental and emotional stress so high, I don’t know how it’s still on the track. Marriage in turmoil, kids in rebellion against me… On top of that, the guy I was working with on buying the house called me towards the end of the month and said … a month after having all of the paperwork about the house mind you…. that he just now noticed that the house that I want to buy is a manufactured home and that they don’t do manufactured homes. Emotional roller coaster screaming toward the a huge crash at this point. Sleep? Ha! Pain level? 14! Oh and by the way, Both cars need expensive repairs. “How’s that just ignore it and I can eat whatever I want thing, goin’ for ya, hmmm?’ my subconscious gloats too loudly.
April – So after scrambling to try and find a lender that will do manufactured home loans and finally finding out that my current landlord works for a lender that will cover manufactured homes,“PHEW”. I luckily had copies of everything I sent the first lender, so that was a quick transition. I decided to tackle my carb/sugar addiction that crashed and burned a hole deep enough to almost see China. Aaahh… a little pain relief. Back down to a 6 or 7 now. I have also been filling in the nail holes, painting, and deep cleaning so that I can get as much of the deposit back as possible from this old house that we’ve lived in for 8 years. Oh yeah, and we’re closing on the house May 2nd(or 29th-depending on which banker you believe) and have to be out of this house April 30th.
So, the moral of the story kids… If you are chronically ill, and you have to go through the stressors that seem to all come at one time during the different stages of life, Make it a point to take time for your self, eat right, and keep your routine going.
DON’T DO WHAT I DID IN THIS EXTREMELY STRESSFUL SITUATIONS!