Y’know, I’ve learned to adjust to a lot of things with this new life of mine.
I’ve learned I absolutely must take a nap every day sometime between 1pm and 3pm. My mind and body shut down completely then and trying to stay away and still be functional is useless.
I’ve learned that if I do everything I think I can or should on my good days, then I should expect 3 to 4 pretty bad to very bad days to follow.
I’ve learned that I leave things in dumb places. But who cares if I leave the oven mitt in the freezer, I’m usually the one who finds it there when I was looking for the peanut butter anyway.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to ask my husband for help. Luckily, he’s learned that’s it turns out much better for both of us, if he gives me help.
But, the one thing that I hate the most is still letting people down. I mean I don’t intend to blow people off. I don’t try to forget things that are important to others. But, I do. And that really bothers me. It’s not like I’m a multi-functional, working mom with young kids I have to tote here and there. I’m not. I am disabled. I don’t work anywhere. Heck most of the time I don’t work at home. My kids are adults and out of the house. The biggest responsibility that I must do everyday is feed and let out the dogs a few times a day.
My daughter, who headed back to college in Boston, asked me to do a simple task of picking up a necklace from a friend for her. She wanted me to do this yesterday, between 1pm and 5pm. I said I would. I intended to. I wanted to. It wasn’t any big deal at all. But I slept through the time the friend was available. I forgot about it today until 4:30. I went to the place that the friend works, only to find out that I had just missed the friend and that she was done working at the place I was to pick up the necklace for the year.
I wasn’t able to do the simple task. I had no good reason or excuse.
I felt terrible. I didn’t want to let my daughter down. Our relationship is on shaky ground anyway. I didn’t want another thing to get in the way. I told her. She said don’t worry about it. But, I could hear her snitting disappointment in my head… she has given me this sound many times before. Usually with a “MOM. Why don’t you ever do what I want?” I really hate letting her down.
I normally volunteer at the Humane Society every Wednesday. The past two Wednesdays I didn’t volunteer. The first week I was hurting so bad that I had to laze around on the couch and not do much. The second week I just didn’t know it was Wednesday until it was bedtime. Today I was supposed to volunteer for a special event that the Humane Society was putting on. Again, I entirely forgot about it until after it was over. The worse thing is, I had it on my calendar… I just didn’t set an alarm or reminder. So I let the people at the Humane Society down for the third time in a row. I let the dogs down. I feel so bad about it. And I just have absolutely no excuses.